messy's life

[harddisk]

Hello lionelmessy bro,

I am somehow in a similar situation as you; housework.

My wife is a messy person at home. In fact on the first night we spent together as husband and wife, I was taken aback because she left her dirty clothes on the floor. She has this habit of piling her clothes on the floor until its time to wash

The huge dining table has now been 50% covered by her stuffs.. The study desks which I bought for both of us, hers was used for less than 10 times because its stacked with stuffs.

I'm no OCD but I expect at least a neat house. I set aside my fris and sats to clean the house and toilets. I iron my own shirts. I wash all our clothes.

Got to a point that I was so tired I reduced the cleaning. I also wash only my clothes. Been so many years... Now I clean the house once or twice a month depending on my mood. See whoever Buay tahan pick up the vacuum cleaner. but at least I dont feel so pek cek like before.

Honestly I feel I can live a better life by myself.

Unfortunately I have kids but fortunately they made my life in this household worthwhile.

Then last yr she cheated on me. I initiated a divorce since it's so apt to get rid of this woman. She refused. So I was stuck and felt my life was in a mess. (However in the following months I got to know a fwb and she brought me back to my feet. We ended it recently but I feel indebted to her).

If you dont mind, why not share the rest of the issues? There are many bros here who can give good advices.

Have a good weekend.

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by lionelmessy

It has been a month since I posted. I still have not execute anything. I don't know how to say out the word divorce straight in her face.

I sometimes wonder am I unlucky to meet her but my friends tell me I chosen her so I should not regret. Am I expecting too much? In my opinion, she is lazy and restless and she blame it on me. She say ironing my shirt is not her job and told me not to take her for granted. What the fuck! Am I wrong?

Ya, we had a heated agrument again. And again I turn to this forum to vent my fustration. Fuck up friday.

People always say to be in love is easy, but to be able to get along & live together harmony is difficult, especially coming from two different family background.

When in love, during courtship period, everything is so sweet....like in honeymoon time, even with his/her flaw, u also see as good point as love blind your eyes...u willing to give in to each other juz to please them.

Some of them b4 marriage already know their partners bad habits, but they juz deceive themselves that they able to change them or expect them to change after marriage or after hv kid, the harsh reality is bad habits die hard & a leopard can't change its spot.

To marry & living together is another stage of life, no longer everything & everyday is so lovey dovey between two of you, all gradually turns it to bread & butter issue, especially with kid, more hv to plan & worry.....

If both of them are headstrong & self centre type, everything must win, never admit fault when they are, unwilling to give in to each other & compromise with each other, decline to communicate with each other, frequent quarrel break out, cold war happen, all these become a vicious cycle, keep on repeating until once time u are tired of these & wan to give up this marriage.

I never think of marriage is forever blissful fairy-tale thing, to build up a family & secure it is never an easy task w/o the cooperation of another party. Sometimes, little or more sacrifice has to make to keep the relationship going.

Bro, if she refused to iron your shirt due to tiredness or laziness, let her be if u already communicate with her, discussing to share household chores with each other as both of u maybe working adults.

Bro, weekend liao...bring her out for outing, watching movies, cycling, dining or whatever to patch things up, to see whether still can repair & salvage this relationship if u want it.

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by harddisk

Hello lionelmessy bro,

I am somehow in a similar situation as you; housework.

My wife is a messy person at home. In fact on the first night we spent together as husband and wife, I was taken aback because she left her dirty clothes on the floor. She has this habit of piling her clothes on the floor until its time to wash

The huge dining table has now been 50% covered by her stuffs.. The study desks which I bought for both of us, hers was used for less than 10 times because its stacked with stuffs.

I'm no OCD but I expect at least a neat house. I set aside my fris and sats to clean the house and toilets. I iron my own shirts. I wash all our clothes.

Got to a point that I was so tired I reduced the cleaning. I also wash only my clothes. Been so many years... Now I clean the house once or twice a month depending on my mood. See whoever Buay tahan pick up the vacuum cleaner. but at least I dont feel so pek cek like before.

Honestly I feel I can live a better life by myself.

Unfortunately I have kids but fortunately they made my life in this household worthwhile.

Then last yr she cheated on me. I initiated a divorce since it's so apt to get rid of this woman. She refused. So I was stuck and felt my life was in a mess. (However in the following months I got to know a fwb and she brought me back to my feet. We ended it recently but I feel indebted to her).

If you dont mind, why not share the rest of the issues? There are many bros here who can give good advices.

Have a good weekend.

Bro, if she refuse to fulfill her part, let her be, no point keep on quarrel especially if she unwilling to change. At least, good thing is u hv done your part, washing your own clothes, tidying up your house as its suppose to be comfort & healthy place for u & your child to live in. As long as u hv fulfilled your role & duty as a husband & father is more than enough, dun be so harsh of yourself.

Live life happily

[porscheclub]

Don't know how long the both of you have been together before tying the knot but the best is co-habiting for a while to understand each other's daily habits. Too late for that now.

There are many couples that divorced over personal habits so it really depends on how deep the love is between the two of you & whether each can overlook one's short-comings.

Some can say that you can hire a maid for the house chores but a parent who does good housekeeping can impart a great deal to the kids. I've seen many women in current times that are worse than men in their bedrooms or home. Used clothes & underwear are piled up everywhere and cosmetics are strewn all over the table while their toilets have a layer of grime on the floor. They won't make their bed and sleep on dirty sheets that they can't remember when they last changed. You start to think that our SAF made us good.

I iron better than my wife because my mother taught us since primary school and does every housework better than her. So, I'm the trainer for the maids in my household. Some of my ex-GFs were trained to do good as well

When a woman loves you deeply, she can do anything for you in the name of love including washing your underwear so can a man, but washing her undies is strictly No for me!

For a young couple, I think it would be healthy that the both of you share the house chores together or draw up a timetable on who does what, if you want to go into details. Otherwise, there are partimers so you guys can have more time & energy to make love.

Women like to be pampered but you'd need to pull the rope in so she doesn't become a princess. Please her to a certain extend and she might just agree to your requests but if all else fails, then pull that ejection lever while there's no kids.

Good luck bro. Hope everything can be salvaged at this stage.

[milfmilf]

Originally Posted by lionelmessy

In my opinion, she is lazy and restless and she blame it on me. She say ironing my shirt is not her job and told me not to take her for granted. What the fuck! Am I wrong?

no wife is oblige to iron husband shirt

[someonelonely]

Have a truthful conversation with your wife but before that think about the outcome and ask yourself why did you married her in the first place. Because she is pretty , rich or just to get marry because it's time to.

Think about her good point rather than the bad ones.

[lionelmessy]

Thank you for all the comments. It is really not about housework. Ok why I complain about the ironing part is because I really sucks in ironing my shirt. Is it wrong for me to request my wife to help iron? I did not command her to do it. She nag and nag and nag and tell me to bring back to my mum to iron. To be frank, I will do my own ironing if I am good at it. Seriously it is better to do things yourself than to beg someone for help. Anyway, practice make perfect, I am now ironing my own shirt and I am improving everyday. haha

Maybe I slowly list out the issue I have with my wife and see if anyone here have the same issue as me.

Firstly, she likes to involve family member when we argue. she will verbally attack my family for whatsoever reason. Say my mum is a nervous freak, my brother is useless, my auntie, my uncle. WTF? Wow the more I write, the more heated up I am, thinking of her 'come slap me face' when she verbally attack my family. Any comment?

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by lionelmessy

Thank you for all the comments. It is really not about housework. Ok why I complain about the ironing part is because I really sucks in ironing my shirt. Is it wrong for me to request my wife to help iron? I did not command her to do it. She nag and nag and nag and tell me to bring back to my mum to iron. To be frank, I will do my own ironing if I am good at it. Seriously it is better to do things yourself than to beg someone for help. Anyway, practice make perfect, I am now ironing my own shirt and I am improving everyday. haha

Maybe I slowly list out the issue I have with my wife and see if anyone here have the same issue as me.

Firstly, she likes to involve family member when we argue. she will verbally attack my family for whatsoever reason. Say my mum is a nervous freak, my brother is useless, my auntie, my uncle. WTF? Wow the more I write, the more heated up I am, thinking of her 'come slap me face' when she verbally attack my family. Any comment?

A mature adult will never to involve any other family members when is your couple disagreement & quarrel, why must drag those innocent parties into the war??!! That's will be never ending......

A couple who can company each other, complete the whole journey in your life is someone who is less calculative & devoted, not only willing to share the joy, but also share the sorrow & burden of each other like household chores, parenting & etc, as the couple suppose to be 2in1 combination.

[urgg]

This kinda thing is bound to happen..in laws problem happens to most of the couple..shut your ear and just walk off.. this is the best remedy..

[acidicavex]

Well I can only say hope the younger guys nowadays are equip with self independent houseskill.

The day I sign on the dot seal the fate....

I guess same as many due to kids around...... but something thinking hard I guess most is still in matrimony due to kids. Regardless what is the issue whether the other half cheat on u or just a lazy women or whatever.

From they one I do everything on my own..... iron, wash everything that make it better off being single.

But I guess everything went numbs sometimes I still drag heading back. But the thought of the kids...... just drag yourself automatic back.

[harddisk]

Personal attacks involving family members are childish acts. I hope TS won't go to that level. And about that 'kiam pah' look that your wife has, do not touch her. She is probably still in the egoistic stage. Does she give u the feeling that she has something over and above u? Like her salary, career position work capabilities?

It's good to be self sufficient. You will also be setting a good example for your kids, just that TS currently do not have any.

I suggest that during an argument and when she brings up your family, try to divert the subject and focus on what causes the argument instead. Easier said than done but it will definitely avoid a nastier fight.

[lionelmessy]

Originally Posted by orangeproud

A mature adult will never to involve any other family members when is your couple disagreement & quarrel, why must drag those innocent parties into the war??!! That's will be never ending......

A couple who can company each other, complete the whole journey in your life is someone who is less calculative & devoted, not only willing to share the joy, but also share the sorrow & burden of each other like household chores, parenting & etc, as the couple suppose to be 2in1 combination.

Originally Posted by urgg

This kinda thing is bound to happen..in laws problem happens to most of the couple..shut your ear and just walk off.. this is the best remedy..

Originally Posted by acidicavex

Well I can only say hope the younger guys nowadays are equip with self independent houseskill.

The day I sign on the dot seal the fate....

I guess same as many due to kids around...... but something thinking hard I guess most is still in matrimony due to kids. Regardless what is the issue whether the other half cheat on u or just a lazy women or whatever.

From they one I do everything on my own..... iron, wash everything that make it better off being single.

But I guess everything went numbs sometimes I still drag heading back. But the thought of the kids...... just drag yourself automatic back.

Originally Posted by harddisk

Personal attacks involving family members are childish acts. I hope TS won't go to that level. And about that 'kiam pah' look that your wife has, do not touch her. She is probably still in the egoistic stage. Does she give u the feeling that she has something over and above u? Like her salary, career position work capabilities?

It's good to be self sufficient. You will also be setting a good example for your kids, just that TS currently do not have any.

I suggest that during an argument and when she brings up your family, try to divert the subject and focus on what causes the argument instead. Easier said than done but it will definitely avoid a nastier fight.

Thank you brothers for commenting. I will not lay a finger on her, I know it is not worth it. I will end up as a bastard. I still have the minimum respect for women.

I agree that she is being childish, sorry I won't want to mention our age but we are already early 30s. She is fuck lazy and been out of job for a while. I am the sole breadwinner of the house. I plan to find part time jobs, just to avoid spending quarrelity time with her.

Messy.

[tabio99]

if you detest her so much why you marry her?
you mean you didn't realize any of these (lazy, talk bad about your family members etc) before you married?

[orangeproud]

Originally Posted by tabio99

if you detest her so much why you marry her?
you mean you didn't realize any of these (lazy, talk bad about your family members etc) before you married?

During dating period, normally one will hide his/her shortcomings, only show their good traits.....everything is so sweet during this period, in your eyes, u can only see his/her good points as love blind your eyes.

[harddisk]

Originally Posted by tabio99

if you detest her so much why you marry her?
you mean you didn't realize any of these (lazy, talk bad about your family members etc) before you married?

Bro, alot of times we dont see the real person that we all are marrying until after thr dotted line is signed.

If one is lucky, can cohabit and see the true colors, great.

But our culture isn't that open to long term cohabitation. Then short term we cant really see the disgusting behavior of our partners.

I'm sure my wife also buay tahan some of my kuan..

But at least I wash the dishes after me. She was brought up without having to do alot of things that her grandma actually said Im like a gem