If you could turn back time, would you still get married?

[Edyta]

there is alot of things in life that u would say if i know the outcome is like tht then I would choose otherwise. be it marriage career business etc. future is always unknown. u need to live it to know it. for marriage u felt that the person is who u wana spend ur life with. things change unfortunately n people change too. u can then make a choice if u want to opt out or stay on n try. if ur wife uses WC to victimise u then its really sad. WC is for protecting vulnerable women who are abandoned etc.

[wecloud]

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by wecloud

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

Past record nt so relevant in today's world. Because many more have past records. Why should past records differentiate you from the rest?

Lack of wealth doesnt make it more difficult. Its the lack of character compatibility which makes far worse. Lack of wealth is usually a.symptom, due to other root causes and not always the cause of problems...

[cutebabe86]

most likely no. Nowadays, very difficult to have a faithful marriage.

[Hytronic]

Originally Posted by Atasbeng

I won't!

Married for 7 yrs with kids. Didn't really knew my wife. we were together for a year and decided to get married since in our 30s. As days goes by and the more u discover,the unhappiness and stress builds up. And the love disappears,feeling more and more burden as the days goes by...I'm sure some bros can relate.

Am having an affair currently with a woman I met 6 mths ago and things between us were magical(trust me it's not honeymoon period cause both of us are in the late 30s and knew what we want in life).theres so much connection and understanding for the first time in my life I discovered what's the meaning of soulmate. And even though it's been only few mths the love for each other is so strong. Which translates to the best sex I ever had.

Now I'm stuck as I want to be with the woman I love and yet have to b responsible to my kids of whom their mother I got no feelings for..
Am glad I'm back in this forum. The only place where I can let it out

Being emotionally attach to your lover is dangerous...... eventually she will find her prince charming and you will be hurt. Unfortunately you cant bring her go holiday and holding hand together openly.....tons of things you can't do together beside physically attach secretly and sharing your thoughts together.

[wecloud]

Originally Posted by cmelater

Past record nt so relevant in today's world. Because many more have past records. Why should past records differentiate you from the rest?

Lack of wealth doesnt make it more difficult. Its the lack of character compatibility which makes far worse. Lack of wealth is usually a.symptom, due to other root causes and not always the cause of problems...

bro you got the key words there.
lack of character compatibility
well said!

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by cutebabe86

most likely no. Nowadays, very difficult to have a faithful marriage.

It is not only difficult. But, divergence of values and beliefs make it very challenging. If you look from point of self centered personalities, its far worse.

Unlike the folks in the 80s (and may be 90s) and earlier, there is a lot more of that "me first", "me too", "me always" and "forever me" sort of attitude, personality, character and whatever-you-can-name values all round the world. If you consider all this, almost all relationships (including marriage) becomes untenable unless there is a kid involved. Else, there is little reason for both sides to "suffer, endure and put up with", until the "end of time".

Honestly, whats there to strive for? Marriage is hard enough. Putting up with whatever-wherever-whatsoever unhappiness or displeasure is surely a self punishment worse than death. What for honestly. Visualise this also. What about 30 yrs later after being with this spouse for so long?

If one were to reason it rationally, there is no reason to continue enduring, suffering, toleratinf and continuing to be pissed and f###ing unhappy. Absolutely no reason to, given that time is such a limited scarce resource...

[Greenfrog]

Originally Posted by wecloud

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

Bro, in that case, i think you will be happier alone.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Originally Posted by wecloud

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

Is the end of the world...........enjoy your freedom...

[linrx]

Originally Posted by Jevv

We all know that getting married is a milestone in life, to you was it the best or worst decision you have ever made?

I am asking this as I have seen guys (married for more than 10yrs or so) who are married but not happily married, I know of one whom is married for 20yrs & have regular FLs/FBs outside of his marriage (He was initially faithful in his marriage, what tiggered him to start "outsourcing" was becoze he was angry with his wife). And the list goes on..as what I have noticed on other married men.

The men that I know stayed married for the fact of not getting into financial burden (alimony to ex-wife, splitting of house proceeds), children (not wanting them to grow up in broken families), society ostracisation & etc. Not the fact that they really love the woman whom they married & want to spend the rest of their life with her in sickness & in health....also staying faithful thru out the marriage as well.

It makes me wonder at times...am I mixing with the wrong group of people OR it is a natural process in life tat when you are married for long (more than 10 years)...you are staying married NOT for love but rather because of obligations (no choice, boh bian )..??

For those whom are married for more than 10yrs, if you could turn back time...would you have choosen the same woman?

I will choose the woman because it is worse if I choose any guy.

Yet from my own limited experience, monogamy i.e. the law of our time appears easier said than done.

If heterosexual monogamy can already be quite a challenge for some including me perhaps, anything other than that is imho even more difficult.

I can barely envision polygamy being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision divorce being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision widowhood being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision remarriage being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision premarital copulation being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision LBGT being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision whores/gigolos being easier than monogamy.
The list may go on..

On my end here, I am choosing singlehood or even continence at this juncture because each time I try getting a girlfriend I got a lot of senior citizens and pioneer generations that make a stable relationship sometimes sound like a complete joke.

Even if I or everybody can turn back time we still are born from wombs, vaginas and dicks, it's is a paradox in itself trying to prevent mammalian parents from fucking, the baby was not there physically when the fucks that created the baby happened.

Turn back time or even space yet the penis and the pussy when they join together, they join together.

[coolmon]

Just IMHO

Originally Posted by Jevv

It makes me wonder at times...am I mixing with the wrong group of people OR it is a natural process in life tat when you are married for long (more than 10 years)...you are staying married NOT for love but rather because of obligations (no choice, boh bian )..??

It is normal. If not, how come people always say true love is difficult to find.

Originally Posted by Jevv

For those whom are married for more than 10yrs, if you could turn back time...would you have choosen the same woman?

1. We always thought that we can choice another one, but do we actually have that many choices?
2. It might be worst if another one was chosen.
3. The problem may not be on the woman or not on her alone.

As to answer the title. Yes, if I could turn back the clock, I will still get married, with the same woman, because it is the most logical and the best thing to do at that point of time. However, I will like to prevent many pot holes along the road which eventually leads to many problems.

Too bad, sometime it is impossible to have a second chance.

[topcook1]

If turn back time, I will never marry .....Right now very cautious about relationship traps. Before and after marriage is a totally different story....marriage is just a fantasy for those who are single.

[jnudes]

Originally Posted by topcook1

Meaning I have no debt .......no burden...financial freedom... ample money for retirement ...No required amount in the bank accounts....

I am approaching 40 years old, currently 37 and still single. I have no debt with anybody including banks and loan shark. Got enough money to spend and I always use cash when paying.

No credit card due to hassle paying later on. My only focus is to keep myself healthy by going for regular daily exercise. I also cook my own meals at home.
Save heaps from eating outside, maybe few times per month.

I seek contentment rather than perfection in life. And everything I do in life I do it moderately as anything too much is bad for you.

[jnudes]

Originally Posted by topcook1

I still have to work but without much stress about losing my job....well I have rental collection from my house , a FD interest ...driving part time taxi during weekends ...Just feel happy nowadays coz no more emotional stress and nobody to be accountable except being filial to my parents. This is my interpretation , different people has its interpretation too..

I am self-employed and currently investing in stocks. One good thing about this is I can have my own flexibility and manage my time more easily compared to when you work for others. On my day to day life I live independently by going to exercise alone and luckily I stay with parents and yes being filial is part of every children's duty. The only thing being single that I hate is when I get sick and stay in bed whole day. No choice but need to be careful what I eat plus regular exercise to keep me healthy.

[zan888]

Originally Posted by jnudes

I am approaching 40 years old, currently 37 and still single. I have no debt with anybody including banks and loan shark. Got enough money to spend and I always use cash when paying.

No credit card due to hassle paying later on. My only focus is to keep myself healthy by going for regular daily exercise. I also cook my own meals at home.
Save heaps from eating outside, maybe few times per month.

I seek contentment rather than perfection in life. And everything I do in life I do it moderately as anything too much is bad for you.

Different people are different goals in life. Sounds like you are living your dream. I wish I have luck in stock investments cos all too often, I thank myself that I have a day job :P.

If one wishes to have children, marriage is somewhat inevitable. Many people stay in failing marriages, for the sake of their kids, which is a somewhat sad state but common, because in the first place there was no mutual love. Perhaps there was like passionate or lustful love which has faded away.

I think statistically it is healthier to be in a relationship, but which girl will let you drag her infinitum w/o the prospects of marriage? It's kinda tiring to find one gf after another and truth be told, hard to find someone whom you can relate to, communicate, love and feels the same way about you?